Job Testing And Not Celebrating Femininity

7 Jul

“When in doubt, wear black, and if your blacks don’t match, the gray Michael Kohr’s will do” My mantra, my silliness. My “I really don’t know what I’m getting into but darn it I will look great!” -ness. Job testing. What?
A few months ago I was unceremoniously chucked from a position I enjoyed. To make a long story short: the thing was unjust and really really nasty.
After a brief ‘sabatical’ (including yet another weird and allergy ridden trip to my home town. . .why do I go there???), I was ready for something new. As of late my incessant applying is garnering attention. . .Companies seem to think that I want to drive to Saint Louis and or Midtown for a position. Of course.
Tuesday night I had some ‘testing’ for an interesting looking position. So with much stress (why? because, actually a job hunt gets harder in a lot of ways once you’ve spent a year on the other side of the hiring table. . but not far enough over on that table to matter, just far enough to learn. . .a lot), and much ultra professionalism I made my way to the testing site. I entered the lobby. And nearly walked right back out. I had assumed that this was going to be somewhat like an interview. Nope! I was greeted by about 20 pairs of beady little eyes. Nasty stares. Cattiness seeping out of every pore of about 12 of these women. Nervousness emanating from 6 others. and some actual kindness from the other two.
“Good God, I do NOT need this!” I said to myself. Shook my hair back, remembered that I lost 5 pounds this week and strode purposely forward, projecting confidence and success with every stomp of my fantastic heels. Signed in. Took a seat next to one of the few nice looking ladies while I ignored glares from 360 degrees.
Mutterings about stiff competition. For 45 minutes I sat. Bored, annoyed, and trying to figure out if I could somehow organize the women to sing rounds or tell stories or somehow cut the tension. I personally was all for singing, and swaying, and well, you know, my imagination was probably too much for this job anyways.
Finally we went down through a perennially chic labyrinth (it will be outdated in about 5 years) and into the abyss. .. or testing room. And we took the most hilarious customer service attitude test of my life. And I had to be calm, quiet and professional the ENTIRE time. Now, the second it was announced that the testing was customer service, I probably should have left. You see, I am good at it, but every time I take a multiple choice test along these lines I do HORRIBLY. So does Phil. And so do most of my very best friends. And we really aren’t awful people. Anyhow, the thing was hilarious simply because of poor acting and the 80’s-ness of it all. What’s a Katie to do when there are people walking across the screen with make-up to rival a production of “Cats”? How about when the Boy George look a likes come on?? Oh my. It was insanity.

I am NOT expecting to hear back on this opportunity. It’s a good one, but they are testing 90 people for one position. And only interviewing the top 5 scorers. Given my history with such tests, I will be surprised if I get a call back.

Of course, this leads me to a point that is somewhat related to my job search and life in general and please help me, please TELL me why I am wrong, I need to know: I think EVERYONE who tries to tell me or most women to celebrate their femininity is full of garbage. It would be easier for me to accept this if well, if women weren’t so mean! I don’t feel the need to own purple things (I actually have a women’s devotional Bible with some articles by one of my pastors in it that I will not read because every time I look at it I feel that it is ‘too purple’), I don’t want to wear a red hat(well, maybe I do, but not a Red Hat Lady Hat), I hate “gushy” feeling talk, I will not complain about my husband with you, nor will I gush the intimate details of my life OR have a statue of one of my future children in utero on my coffee table! Really. I do not LIKE gushy silly women worship. Especially because, ladies, we aren’t that great. Now don’t misjudge me, there are women I love and I am fine with being one myself, but on a whole, I’m sick of females. I’m sick of having to put up with catty women who never got over high school. Heck, I’m tired of running into the same petty, silly, immaturity that I endured for all 3 years I was in high school! If you are claiming to be a grown woman you need to put that behind you, grow some ovaries and get over yourself. I expect so much more! Of course, I always have.
In my job search I am keeping a few things at the forefront of my mind. One of them is that I am not desperate for a job. The other is that I will NEVER work in an office full of women again.
Really as of late I’m so terrified of being stuck in a mundane position in which my creativity is either being wasted or attributed to someone else that I really don’t have much pep. I really just need to find a creative way to bring in income.
Of course I do have a couple back up plans:
1) write a Pulitzer Prize Winning Novel
2)Be a rock star

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2 Responses to “Job Testing And Not Celebrating Femininity”

  1. steve dailey July 8, 2010 at 1:43 pm #

    keep your blog goal in mind to remain concise, and have fewer rabbit trails inside a sentence. the job application story is great because you were minutely descriptive…and most of us can empathize.

    • katiesguide July 8, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

      Steve, I actually added a bunch of old blogs on here to beef it up, since I really only started it last night. Really, only about 4 of these qualify for this blog, I just wanted it to be less spindly. But I do agree, I should probably take a few down or at least water it down with some more targeted blogs for coherence. 🙂

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