Gym-ish Things Part 1

12 Aug

Life is insane right now. There is no balance at all. It has simply been rushing by full of busy-ness and crazy since I got back from the Mountains of my homeland (WV). I am hoping to make a return to consistency with my writing after this Sunday. I will also have to make a return to “The Violin Cave of Solitude” as well, but that is a completely different story.
Tonight’s blog is rather cliche. I think everyone has read a monstrous amount of garbage regarding gym etiquette. It truly is a subject that has been beaten to death.
I solemnly swear to you that I attend the world’s most hilarious gym.
Really. There are so many bizarre situations and people there that I should be rolling in topics for years to come.
Today, let’s examine a particularly fascinating species, the pitchy walking songbird of the midwest.
It’s 7:30 in the morning and I have managed to drag my sorry little behind to the gym. Stand on treadmill, insert key, wait for it to start. The familiar and -oh-so-catchy beat of The Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” begins. I am focused. I am determined. Let’s get “Katie’s Crazy Death March of Doom and Calamity out of the way. But then something odd happens. Over my Ipod and the rythmic thud of my yuppie issue Asics comes a strange sound. I check my arm band. Is something wrong? No, my Ipod is fine. Am I going deaf? I knew I should have worn my earplugs more faithfully. No… .The person next to me is slowly loping along SINGING. Runs of arpeggios without one discernible pitch, loud, grating, painful. How in the world does my crazy ear pick out off-key when my ear buds are playing something else? Suddenly my determination is failing, it’s hard to keep a beat when all I can think is “Flat, flat, sharp, flat, um, that’s a quarter tone. . .ow ow ow OWWW!”*
I turn up my Ipod and try to drown it all out, but I am left with one thought:
If you can sing and run at the same time, then you are doing one or both activities incorrectly.
* I feel the need to explain. After years and years of training myself to play a particularly difficult instrument, I have developed my hearing to the point that anything that is even slightly out of tune really does cause me physical pain. It sounds so snooty, but it’s the truth.

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