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Fitness Tip

1 Mar

A few months ago I had to stop running.  I know, right?  I love running.  I love the pain, the grit, the challenge.  It. is. AWESOME.

But sometimes we humans become aware of our frailties and find ourselves unable to continue an activity we enjoy.*  The result?

Plushiness.

When I finally got back into the gym, I discovered something amazing.  Sure, my leg strength was about that of a baby duck’s, but my arms were amazing.  I actually had to up my weights.

How in the world does one stay out of the gym for three months and end up with Herculean upper body strength?

I left out a small detail.

I got a dog.  I got a mastiff.  And he does not walk nicely on a leash.

He is a 90 pound shake weight on a  rope.

So if you find yourself to be a weakling, go adopt an adult mastiff.  He will force you to get stronger or die.**

* I have since recovered from my leg problem and am nearly back up to speed.

** I really do not advocate adopting a giant breed dog solely for building upper body strength.  It’s just a fun benefit of owning a mini-cerberus.

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Gym-ish Things Part 2

25 Aug

It was a day like any other.  I went to the gym.  I started my typical Interval Run of Doom.  I realize that some of you aren’t familiar with interval running, so let me explain.  Interval running is a very mean thing to do when your body complains too much.  It is an excellent way to build endurance, improve heart health, and as a bonus, it will scare any cellulite into smoothness.  Really.  My fat cells shrink with fear post run.  While it is an extremely challenging work out, it keeps your brain interested and you always have the ‘carrot’ of a one minute interval of walking post sprint.  I typically warm up with a thirteen minute run at a moderate pace and then I do intervals of three minute run, one minute sprint, and a one minute walk for about an hour.  It’s not something you should do every day, but it sure does mix up your work outs nicely.

Anyways. . . So it was interval day and things were going beautifully.  Ipee the Ipod may or may not have been playing “My Humps” and the world was a happy place.  My sprints were on fire, my legs were taking it like a champ, my breathing technique was great and my insanely heavy hair was even staying in place.  And then, something weird happened.  A lady got onto the treadmill next to me and began to slowly trudge away. . . while talking on her cell phone. Her conversation really didn’t bother me, really, I don’t care, it was odd but none of my business.  I went on my merry way walking, running, and sprinting.  When all of a sudden, she gave me a withering look, turned off her cell phone and stomped away.  Um. ..   Ok, I realize that a sprint is technically loud, but lady, you are NOT in your living room.  You are in a  gym.

Perhaps I am old fashioned, but is it too much to request that we not insist upon talking on our cell phones at every single moment?  There is no way that I will ever think that her anger towards my workout was justified.

Gym-ish Things Part 1

12 Aug

Life is insane right now. There is no balance at all. It has simply been rushing by full of busy-ness and crazy since I got back from the Mountains of my homeland (WV). I am hoping to make a return to consistency with my writing after this Sunday. I will also have to make a return to “The Violin Cave of Solitude” as well, but that is a completely different story.
Tonight’s blog is rather cliche. I think everyone has read a monstrous amount of garbage regarding gym etiquette. It truly is a subject that has been beaten to death.
I solemnly swear to you that I attend the world’s most hilarious gym.
Really. There are so many bizarre situations and people there that I should be rolling in topics for years to come.
Today, let’s examine a particularly fascinating species, the pitchy walking songbird of the midwest.
It’s 7:30 in the morning and I have managed to drag my sorry little behind to the gym. Stand on treadmill, insert key, wait for it to start. The familiar and -oh-so-catchy beat of The Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” begins. I am focused. I am determined. Let’s get “Katie’s Crazy Death March of Doom and Calamity out of the way. But then something odd happens. Over my Ipod and the rythmic thud of my yuppie issue Asics comes a strange sound. I check my arm band. Is something wrong? No, my Ipod is fine. Am I going deaf? I knew I should have worn my earplugs more faithfully. No… .The person next to me is slowly loping along SINGING. Runs of arpeggios without one discernible pitch, loud, grating, painful. How in the world does my crazy ear pick out off-key when my ear buds are playing something else? Suddenly my determination is failing, it’s hard to keep a beat when all I can think is “Flat, flat, sharp, flat, um, that’s a quarter tone. . .ow ow ow OWWW!”*
I turn up my Ipod and try to drown it all out, but I am left with one thought:
If you can sing and run at the same time, then you are doing one or both activities incorrectly.
* I feel the need to explain. After years and years of training myself to play a particularly difficult instrument, I have developed my hearing to the point that anything that is even slightly out of tune really does cause me physical pain. It sounds so snooty, but it’s the truth.

Another jogging tip for the lone woman. . .

5 Aug

Should the opportunity ever arise, at the end of a 6 + mile run through mountains, humidity, and rain, do NOT run through a gaggle of geese.

A Quick Jogging Tip for the Lone Woman

13 Jul

Over the past few years exercise has become very important to me. Naturally, my figure is not a primary concern in life but my health is. In order to be polished and lady like, it is important to look after one’s health and well being.
I typically do a crazy combination of running, yoga, and weight lifting, but there is one problem: I like to run outside, but I don’t always have a running partner. I was really at a loss as to what to do until one day on my way home from work I passed a truly inspirational woman.
She was grim. She was fit. She was tan. She was carrying a gigantic baseball bat and scary as all get out BEFORE the double homicide in my neighborhood.
So there you have it, ladies. If you carry a baseball bat while running, no one will mess with you. Ever. Because dear God, you will be seriously scary.

O. M. G.