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The Beauty that is Self Control

4 Aug

So. . .I was out of town and out of the land of regular high speed internet access for about a week and a half and thus unable to update.

Sorry.

Today was voting day and I have one observation regarding this, and perhaps we can all use it to better ourselves.

Stay in control of your frustration at all times.  When it comes to dealing with people, react slowly.  Think.  Breathe.

A year or so ago I had an encounter with a nameless politician.  It was less than pleasant.  There was yelling, there were threats.  Supervisors were called.  By the end of it, I only knew one thing: I would never vote for this particular person.

Today, when I went to vote, this particular politicians name was on the ballot.  I theoretically agree with his politics, but all I could think of was his character.  I definitely voted for the other candidate, whom I have never met.

The lesson here is about stability and remaining constant at every moment.  I don’t know whether this guy is going to get elected, but the fact is that when he thought no one was watching he behaved terribly.

You don’t know who is watching you.

You don’t know when they are watching.

Just be kind.

A Practical and Obvious Idea. . .With Mad Apologies to Tiffany

19 Jul

When planning an event, it is always a good idea to send paper invitations to people who hold a special place in one’s heart. When you receive an invitation to an event, you should do the following:
1) Read it
2) Comprehend it
3) Write the information in your planner
4) RSVP (This does NOT include telling the host “Maybe”. “Maybe” is noncommittal. “Maybe” prevents the host from planning for enough chairs and food. “Maybe” is the cop out of busy people everywhere and a HUGE annoyance to anyone who has ever planned a party)

If you happen to lose your invitation, call the host and not only RSVP, but also reconfirm the information. This will ensure that you know when and where the party will take place.
This weekend, in a shockingly uncharacteristic display of “Katie Losing Her Mind,” I completely forgot to do all of the above for a very dear friend of mine. Please learn from my mistake!
PS: Tiffany, I am so going to make this up to you. Just wait! You will be soooo pleased! 🙂

Witches

8 Jul

Today I am thinking about fairy tales in general and, specifically, fairy tale witches. Think about every witch you can. What do they want? What are they like? What do they do?
In almost every circumstance I can think of, fairy tale witches are 1) female 2) Old or Middle aged and 3) after youth and beauty or the destruction of some young, beautiful person’s life. They go about achieving their desires through trickery, often wooing their victims with sweet words or candy. Other methods include random capture of lovely maidens and keeping them locked up in a tower. These old hags are mean.
I have often wondered where certain aspects of mythology and fairy tales originated. In my opinion, if you can find a mythological creature in the literature of several different cultures, then surely it must be at least somewhat based on fact. So I am asking you to cast off your view of a bent over old woman with one bulgy eye and a pointy hat and to really really think. . Where did this come from?
Oh darlings, are you ready for this?
In my life, I have personally met several fairy tale witches. At the hands of these types, I have been locked in a tower, stabbed in the back, and nearly cooked in an oven (ok, so not so much the oven, but how about offered a poison apple, pie, and comb, not to mention the entire ‘come with me, I live in a gingerbread house!’ incident??). My assailants have always been women, usually middle aged, and while they don’t fit the traditional mold, they all have the same horrible goals to poison the mind (concerning husbands or any random prince charming that may come along), crush dreams, and rob a gal of all her youth and beauty (this is usually accomplished by turning all the princes into frogs and then simply making sure to speak some negative spell in the presence of the princess in question until her youthful hope and happiness is gone). Thoroughly motivated by jealousy, they will try to rob you of hope and life and happiness, and basically make you as old tired and miserable and ugly as they are. Often times these women try to seduce with kind words. Overly kind words, sneakily gaining trust and then WHAM! Manipulation and evil acts of the most malicious in nature.
But why, oh why??? Why can’t they just let us young pretty princesses be? I have come to the conclusion that there is something innately evil in operation in many females, and the whole thing is fueled by jealousy and competition. I don’t understand, I will never understand why women can be so mean. Why they choose to be.
So here is my advice, don’t let this happen to you. I would much rather we all turn middle aged and start reading Amish romance novels (I don’t get it, but apparently this is what you do when you start inching up on the big 5-0) than into modern day fairy tale witches (complete with hairy warts!). So here is what we are going to do:
1)Have you heard of the saying “Don’t judge a man until you have walked 2 moons in his moccasins”? Well, now you have. But let’s switch it up, I say, do not be jealous (ever) but especially until you have walked two moons in this enviable person’s shoes. For all you know they have been through hell to get into the position that you so desire. Just get that nastiness out of your soul. It’s unbecoming and out of fashion.
2)Throw out your evil agenda. Please.
3)Develop character and generosity and forgiveness and stability while you are young. I swear, we could end this in one generation if we tried.
4)Don’t hang around bitter angry, evil people. They are toxic and really, if you hang around a kidnapping witch, there’s a good chance you’ll get stolen or robbed.
5)Laugh. Just laugh, be happy. When you do something totally klutzy in public, laugh! For goodness sake, we don’t have time for all of this scowling. As an added bonus, if you be so joyful, 16 year old boys will hit on you, too (more on that later!)

Job Testing And Not Celebrating Femininity

7 Jul

“When in doubt, wear black, and if your blacks don’t match, the gray Michael Kohr’s will do” My mantra, my silliness. My “I really don’t know what I’m getting into but darn it I will look great!” -ness. Job testing. What?
A few months ago I was unceremoniously chucked from a position I enjoyed. To make a long story short: the thing was unjust and really really nasty.
After a brief ‘sabatical’ (including yet another weird and allergy ridden trip to my home town. . .why do I go there???), I was ready for something new. As of late my incessant applying is garnering attention. . .Companies seem to think that I want to drive to Saint Louis and or Midtown for a position. Of course.
Tuesday night I had some ‘testing’ for an interesting looking position. So with much stress (why? because, actually a job hunt gets harder in a lot of ways once you’ve spent a year on the other side of the hiring table. . but not far enough over on that table to matter, just far enough to learn. . .a lot), and much ultra professionalism I made my way to the testing site. I entered the lobby. And nearly walked right back out. I had assumed that this was going to be somewhat like an interview. Nope! I was greeted by about 20 pairs of beady little eyes. Nasty stares. Cattiness seeping out of every pore of about 12 of these women. Nervousness emanating from 6 others. and some actual kindness from the other two.
“Good God, I do NOT need this!” I said to myself. Shook my hair back, remembered that I lost 5 pounds this week and strode purposely forward, projecting confidence and success with every stomp of my fantastic heels. Signed in. Took a seat next to one of the few nice looking ladies while I ignored glares from 360 degrees.
Mutterings about stiff competition. For 45 minutes I sat. Bored, annoyed, and trying to figure out if I could somehow organize the women to sing rounds or tell stories or somehow cut the tension. I personally was all for singing, and swaying, and well, you know, my imagination was probably too much for this job anyways.
Finally we went down through a perennially chic labyrinth (it will be outdated in about 5 years) and into the abyss. .. or testing room. And we took the most hilarious customer service attitude test of my life. And I had to be calm, quiet and professional the ENTIRE time. Now, the second it was announced that the testing was customer service, I probably should have left. You see, I am good at it, but every time I take a multiple choice test along these lines I do HORRIBLY. So does Phil. And so do most of my very best friends. And we really aren’t awful people. Anyhow, the thing was hilarious simply because of poor acting and the 80’s-ness of it all. What’s a Katie to do when there are people walking across the screen with make-up to rival a production of “Cats”? How about when the Boy George look a likes come on?? Oh my. It was insanity.

I am NOT expecting to hear back on this opportunity. It’s a good one, but they are testing 90 people for one position. And only interviewing the top 5 scorers. Given my history with such tests, I will be surprised if I get a call back.

Of course, this leads me to a point that is somewhat related to my job search and life in general and please help me, please TELL me why I am wrong, I need to know: I think EVERYONE who tries to tell me or most women to celebrate their femininity is full of garbage. It would be easier for me to accept this if well, if women weren’t so mean! I don’t feel the need to own purple things (I actually have a women’s devotional Bible with some articles by one of my pastors in it that I will not read because every time I look at it I feel that it is ‘too purple’), I don’t want to wear a red hat(well, maybe I do, but not a Red Hat Lady Hat), I hate “gushy” feeling talk, I will not complain about my husband with you, nor will I gush the intimate details of my life OR have a statue of one of my future children in utero on my coffee table! Really. I do not LIKE gushy silly women worship. Especially because, ladies, we aren’t that great. Now don’t misjudge me, there are women I love and I am fine with being one myself, but on a whole, I’m sick of females. I’m sick of having to put up with catty women who never got over high school. Heck, I’m tired of running into the same petty, silly, immaturity that I endured for all 3 years I was in high school! If you are claiming to be a grown woman you need to put that behind you, grow some ovaries and get over yourself. I expect so much more! Of course, I always have.
In my job search I am keeping a few things at the forefront of my mind. One of them is that I am not desperate for a job. The other is that I will NEVER work in an office full of women again.
Really as of late I’m so terrified of being stuck in a mundane position in which my creativity is either being wasted or attributed to someone else that I really don’t have much pep. I really just need to find a creative way to bring in income.
Of course I do have a couple back up plans:
1) write a Pulitzer Prize Winning Novel
2)Be a rock star