Tag Archives: baby showers

The Fate of The Modern American Woman

16 Aug

Once upon a time, a woman named Eve made a mistake. A huge Mistake. It changed the course of humanity forever. She talked to a snake and disobeyed God. The punishment? Mortality, pain during childbirth, banishment from paradise, etc. But what the Bible does not say is what I believe is an unspoken part of The Curse:
“Also, you will have menstrual cramps and be obligated to attend baby showers until you die.”
I understand that some people find sitting around with a group of women looking at items that are soon to be puked and defecated upon to be a most pleasant way to spend one’s afternoon. Those people are crazy.
I just don’t understand why the North American Baby Shower has to be so weird. The worst part? Men don’t have to go.  Men go eat steak.  Men go watch movies.  Men go fire guns and shoot bows and arrows.  Men get to play video games.   While women. . . sit primly nibbling a  jello jiggler shaped like a foot while listening to everyone’s grossest blow out diaper story or most horrifying labor experience. Does anyone really want to go to a shower? No! Do they want to give a gift? Yes! So here is my proposal to all pregnant ladies everywhere: REBEL. We are celebrating the baby’s birth day, right? Ok, so lets have a birthday party. Invite spouses. Play normal games. Have a cook out. Buy some balloons. Listen to grown up music because it’s your last chance for that type of thing.
So what do you say ladies? Can we reform the standard baby shower from the fruit of my nightmares into something fun? Who’s with me?
* Aside: This post was inspired by baby showers in general and not any shower in particular. This means that if you are a friend or family member, you ought not be offended as I probably did have at least an inkling of enjoyment at your shower especially if I helped throw it.